


find another way

by leiasfate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Difficult Decisions, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Love, Memories, Reminiscing, the necklace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 00:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14630565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiasfate/pseuds/leiasfate
Summary: Mon-El didn’t know what to do. His feelings were tearing his mind and soul apart. He didn’t know anything. But there was one thing he was certain of.He didn’t want to leave Kara.Set immediately after 3x17.





	find another way

Mon-El’s heart was torn.

 

Imra had just left, and she had said they would go back to the future. That Brainy would figure it out.

 

He knew he had duties in the 31st century. Rao, he knew that damn well. But he didn’t want to leave. More specifically, he didn’t want to leave Kara. She still had so much work to do, Reign was out there and... wait, why was he lying to himself? He wanted to stay because he was in love with Kara. Because he loved her.

 

He felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t hold her. He couldn’t comfort her. He couldn’t be there for her like he wanted to. His body ached to reach out to her, to embrace her like he’d done when she was sad about Jeremiah. He missed that.

 

Yes, he was drowning, and being near Kara gave him a little bit of air. But it wasn’t enough, just being ‘near her’ wasn’t enough.

 

As if on cue, Kara tapped on the glass of the room he was in. A smile immediately formed on his face. He couldn’t help it.

 

“Hey, Mon-El.” She had changed into civilian clothes, looking as gorgeous as ever. The shirt she was wearing brought out her piercing blue eyes.

 

He was staring at her longingly. And then he remembered she had talked to him.

 

“Hey, Kara.” He hoped she didn’t notice how his voice faltered, and how fast his heart was beating.

 

“I just wanted to tell you we’re going to the bar. And you’re welcome to go. That is, if you’re not busy.”

 

“Yes. Of course, I’ll be there.” He responded too quickly, and his heart was about to break his ribcage.

 

Of course he agreed to go. He wanted to spend whatever time he had left in the 21st century with Kara. He had to be by her side for as long as he could.

 

She frowned. “Mon-El, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“You’ve been here for a long time. Alone.”

 

Kara was the only one who could notice when something was wrong, the only one who could see right through him. It made him feel more pain at the thought of leaving her.

 

“It’s nothing. I’m okay.”

 

He wanted to tell her everything. That he was in love with her. That he never stopped loving her. That he wanted to stay with her, and hold her.

 

Alas, he couldn’t.

 

“Alright then. I’ll see you around.”

 

He saw Kara’s hesitation to leave as she walked backwards, her eyes still focused on his, to see if he was going to falter. She had such a good heart.

 

She finally turned around when she was out of the room, and he let out a long sigh.

 

What could he do?

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

When he got to the bar, Kara and the rest were already there. She waved at him, with a big smile on her face.

 

He approached the table. “Hello guys.”

 

“Hi.” Alex, Winn, and Kara answered.

 

“I’m going to get the next round.” Kara got up.

 

“I’ll help you.” Was he being too obvious?

 

As she ordered the drinks, Mon-El remembered what she said. What she made him promise.

 

“Kara, can I ask you something?”

 

She adjusted her glasses. “Yeah, sure.”

 

“Why me?”

 

Confusion filled her face. “You what?”

 

“Why did you ask me to not pull you out? Why not someone else?”

 

“Oh.” She looked down. “Winn wouldn’t have listened to me. He would’ve pulled me out at the first sign of danger. And J’onn would’ve listened at first, but then he would’ve pulled me out too. So I asked you.”

 

He wasn’t sure what she meant. Did she think he didn’t care about her? That he was willing to sacrifice her?

 

She seemed to have read his thoughts. “I asked you because I know you understand. You’re a leader too, you know what’s at stake.”

 

“It was really hard for me.” His voice broke. “To keep you in.”

 

“I know. I hope a situation like this doesn’t come up again.”

 

They stared at each other intensely, until their drinks were placed in front of them.

 

Mon-El was lost in Kara Zor-El. And he never wanted to be found.

 

 

 

Soon enough, they were all tipsy, sharing stories. Kara’s head leaned on Winn’s shoulder, while his arm was around her.

 

He never thought he would be jealous of Winn. He was just her best friend. But he was holding her, something that Mon-El craved to do, but couldn’t. It made his blood boil.

 

“So, Kara. I made a little something for you.”

 

She gasped. “No way. Is it what I think it is?”

 

“If you’re thinking it’s the most awesome night/stealth suit to ever be made, then hell yeah, you’re right.”

 

Mon-El marveled at the way Kara beamed, a huge grin, brighter than the sun, forming on her face.

 

“Thank you, Winn! Can we go see it now?”

 

“Uh, no, miss. You’re drunk, I’m taking you home.” Alex stood up and extended her hand to her. “Come on.”

 

“Noooo.” She placed her arms around Winn’s torso. Another pang of jealousy hit him. “I wanna see my suit.”

 

“Yeah, how are you gonna get home? Flying?”

 

She suddenly burst out laughing. “Well, I’m not flying, that’s for sure.”

 

He thought about how cute and adorable she looked while drunk. He’d never seen her so relaxed like that since... well, since before he had left Earth. He wanted her to be happy and relaxed all the time, and also wanted to be the one to provide that happiness. But how? He wasn’t able to.

 

“Come on, we’re going. You’ll see the suit tomorrow.”

 

Kara got up reluctantly, and so did Winn. “I think I should go too. What about you, Mon-El?”

 

“Oh, I’ll leave in a while. Don’t worry.”

 

“Okay then. See ya, pal.” He gave him a brief hug.

 

“Bye, Mon.” Kara kissed him on the cheek. She did that. She kissed him on the cheek. Kara Zor-El Of Krypton, kissed him, Mon-El of Daxam, on the cheek.

 

He was astonished. He knew it was common to kiss friends on the cheek. But he never expected her to do that. He didn’t think he would feel her lips again, even if it was against his cheek. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

 

He absentmindedly waved his hand at the leaving group, and remained seated. His hand went up to the spot where her lips had been. He could still feel it, the tingling sensation of her mouth pressing against his skin.

 

That little, brief kiss made him feel things he hadn’t felt in seven years. He had forgotten there were so many feelings to be had.

 

Mon-El couldn’t go back to the Legion ship. If he went back there, he would probably be surprised with dreadful news. He didn’t want to hear anything about leaving. He wouldn’t go there, he would delay it for as long as he could.

 

So he made his way to the DEO instead, since he still knew the code to his old dorms.

 

But sleep didn’t come to him. He tossed and turned on the bed, as he remembered the first time Kara had come into his dorm to wake him up. She was so cheerful because she’d found him a job. He also remembered one day after a long training session, when they were already together. Kara had been frustrated about an article she had to write, so she let it all out while sparring. But that had led to other... more interesting things. So they ended up on his bed.

 

Rao, those were such good times. He closed his eyes to recall, the memories vivid on his brain.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Kara was being unusually aggressive. Sure, she did push him to his limits on every training session, but it was too much. She didn’t even give him a chance to recover before she attacked again, knocking the air out of him. He knew she was frustrated because of the article. But she needed to get her mind off of that. It wasn’t doing her any good.

 

Mon-El blocked the punch she was about to throw, but Kara swept her leg under his, and knocked him down to the floor.

 

She was on top of him, straddling his hips. “I won.”

 

He was breathless, but smiled. “You always do.”

 

She was wearing a sports bra and workout tights, so her perfectly chiseled abs were exposed. Her smirk when she noticed his stare was arrogantly seductive.

 

Kara moved ever so slightly against him, and he let out a strangled sound. “Kara—“

 

“Punching is over now.” She leaned down, until her lips were almost touching his. “From this moment on, I only aim to please.”

 

Mon-El was pushed off the edge upon hearing her words. He put his hand behind her head, pulling her down into a hard kiss, while the other traveled through her exposed back. She responded instantly, her tongue immediately exploring his mouth, as she rubbed against him.

 

A moan escaped him through the kiss, and she pulled away to look at him. “What do you want, babe?”

 

Oh, so she was going to play that card. She was going to make him beg. And she was going to dedicate herself to him.

 

He couldn’t say he opposed the idea.

 

“You. I want you, Kara.”

 

Her eyes were as dark as the night sky. She moved so fast that it was as though they’d been teleported. They were on his bed, her body still on top of his.

 

Kara kissed his neck fervently. “As you wish.”

 

She took off all of his clothes, and pleasured him all night long, until she wore him out.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

He would never feel as good, as alive as he felt when he was with Kara. She truly had been the one for him.

 

He needed to stop. Gods, he was married. He needed to stop thinking about Kara.

 

He was emotionally cheating on his wife, and he was aware of it. But what was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. He felt lost.

 

He would have to push down his feelings.

 

But the necklace resting on his chest told him he would never be able to do that. Upon seeing Kara again, a spark had ignited, and the fire that it produced couldn’t be stopped. His heart beat for Kara Zor-El.

 

So he held the necklace, the reminder of her. It was his anchor. The reason he kept going.

 

He wanted to find another way. So that he could stay. So that they could be together.

 

But he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He really didn’t know how Imra truly felt about him, since the one she love had been killed on a mission. She cared about him, he knew that. Which meant she would get hurt if he told her everything.

 

Hurting people wasn’t good. Kara had taught him that.

 

He cared for his wife. He really did. But not in the way he would be expected to. Not in the way he was supposed to. Still, he wouldn’t hurt her.

 

Someone bursted into the room, bringing his thoughts to a halt. When he sat on the bed to see who it was, his breath was taken away.

 

Kara. In all of her glory, with a new suit. It was entirely black, with pants instead of the usual skirt. The glyph on her chest shining in silver. Also, a black cape.

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

“You look—“

 

She had been startled to find him there, but composed herself, and smirked. Rao, that smirk.

 

“I know. I do clean up nicely sometimes, too.”

 

He smiled. She really did look gorgeous. He had never seen anyone so stunning.

 

“What are you doing here, Mon?”

 

He couldn’t tell her he was busy thinking about her.

 

“Just some late night training, you know. And then I came here.”

 

“Have you been up all night?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Are you hungry? It’s already way past breakfast.”

 

His eyes widened. “Wait, it’s morning?”

 

She sighed. “Yeah. It is.”

 

He frowned. “Why did you come in here?”

 

“I, uh, I just came to... look for something.” Her face was flushed. “I don’t think it’s here, though.”

 

He just nodded. Kara shifted, and cleared her throat. “I heard you’re leaving.”

 

No. No. Not that. He was going to break if she talked to him about it.

 

“Who—“ He choked on his words. “Who told you?”

 

“Brainy. After I talked to you yesterday.”

 

He felt the hot burn of tears on his eyes. What could he do?

 

“Kara, I don’t know.”

 

It was her turn to frown. “You don’t know what? I can tell something’s been bothering you. You can talk to me, if you want.”

 

What was he even saying? ‘Don’t know’ what? He knew she probably thought he was talking nonsense. ‘Don’t know’ what?

 

He didn’t know what to do.

 

“I’ll be fine.” He wouldn’t burden her with his feelings.

 

She stepped closer to where he was sitting. “Okay. I really hope so. And I just want to thank you, for all the help you brought. I’m really glad we got to work together.”

 

Mon-El suddenly found himself wanting to hear her asking him to stay. Because that would surely be his undoing. If she asked him to stay, his resolve would fade. He would do as she wished. But she would never ask him such a thing. Her selflessness was as big as the galaxy.

 

“I would always help you.”

 

“I know.”

 

He wished to reach out to her. To embrace her.

 

He couldn’t  do that. He couldn’t  help her. He couldn’t hold her.

 

Kara placed her hand on her ear, and he knew she had gotten some information through her comms.

 

“There’s a debriefing upstairs. Want to come?”

 

He blinked rapidly. “Yeah, absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

After they were dismissed, Mon-El saw that Imra was waiting for him. Unfortunately, Kara saw it too, and her expression hardened.

 

He made his way towards her, preparing for the worst. He wasn’t ready yet. He wasn’t ready to let go.

 

“Imra.”

 

She smiled at him. “The ship’s ready for time travel. But I need to talk to you first.”

 

His heart started racing. “Sure.”

 

She led him to the Legion ship, where Brainy was waiting for them.

 

“Mon-El, we want to say goodbye to you.”

 

He didn’t understand. “To me? Why? Did something happen?”

 

“No, it’s just that we know you don’t want to leave. We know you’re not happy. Let’s be honest, Mon-El. Both of our hearts lie somewhere else. You love Kara. I love Garth. And the Blight isn’t going to happen, so that means he’s not dead. Brainy made the calculations. So we’re going home, but without you. That’s not your home.”

 

“I— I’m sorry. I tried to feel at home. But I couldn’t.”

 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. It’s okay. Now we both have an opportunity to do what we want. Don’t waste it.”

 

He hugged her. “Thank you, Imra.”

 

“Thank you for being such a good man, Mon-El. We’ll miss you.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

He then moved to Brainy, who stood awkwardly. “You’re not going to... display your affection, are you?”

 

Mon-El laughed, and gave him a hug too.

 

“Oh, yes, you are.”

 

“I’ll miss you, pal.”

 

“Now go, Mon-El. You have something to do.” Imra ushered him out.

 

 

He flew with a speed that could match Kara’s. He was free. Finally.

 

He could do what he wanted. He could be with the person he wanted.

 

There was no sight of her as he entered the DEO, but he saw Alex.

 

“Alex, where’s Kara?”

 

She looked surprised to see him. “Mon-El? I thought you were gone.”

 

“No. I’m not.”

 

She smiled knowingly. “Thank God this is happening. Kara’s at her loft, she stormed out a while ago.”

 

“Thank you, Alex.”

 

 

Mon-El was going to get dizzy from going to so many places in so little time. But it was worth it. Kara was always worth it.

 

Luckily, her door was unlocked so he went in without any trouble. He saw her sitting on a stool in the kitchen table, staring off into space. She didn’t even notice he was looking at her.

 

“This is where it all began.” His voice almost made her fall out of her seat.

 

“I— I thought you were gone.”

 

“The Legion is gone.” He emphasized. “Not me.”

 

Kara looked at him with her eyes wide, unable to say anything. He continued talking. “This is where it all began. This is where I told you how I felt about you. You were sitting right there, where you’re sitting now. I think it’s only fitting that I confess my feelings again, on this exact same place.”

 

“W-What do you mean?” Her eyes were sparkling.

 

“Comets.” He smiled to himself. “I stayed here because of how I feel about you. Because I would never willingly leave you alone.”

 

Kara trembled, and her lower lip quivered. “But... you don’t love me. You’re married.”

 

His heart broke. He made her believe he didn’t love her. He had to make up for it. Quickly.

 

“Kara, no matter how long I could possibly be gone, no matter how far away I could be, I would never stop loving you.” Mon-El held the hand that was resting on the table. “You’re my home, you’re my heart. I love you.”

 

Her face lit up, the sadness on her eyes changing visibly into happiness. “Zhor?”

 

He grinned. She had called him ‘heart’ in her native language. “Yes, my love. It’s me. I’m here with you.”

 

Kara reached out to caress his face, and he leaned into the touch. “I love you, zhor.”

 

“I love you too, Kara Zor-El. Always.”

 

She pulled him down into a sweet kiss, much like the first one they ever shared at the med bay. He relished the feeling of her lips pressing softly against his, the warmth of the kiss filling his heart.

 

He broke the kiss, pressing his forehead against hers. She sighed happily.

 

Mon-El did what he had wanted to do for the longest time. He put her arms around her, embracing her with all of his love and affection. He was finally holding the love of his life.

 

“You’re home now, Mon-El. We both are.” She whispered sweetly.

 

Yes, she was right.

 

 

He was finally home.


End file.
